There’s a moment that still makes me cringe a little.

It was relatively early in my leadership career. I’d put together a plan I genuinely believed would shift things. It was smart. It was thoughtful. It was, I thought, exactly what was needed.

My peer’s reaction? Tepid. Lukewarm. Politely underwhelmed.

I walked out of that meeting with my head high and my inner critic on full volume.

“They’re not seeing it.”

“They’re too caught up in politics.”

“This environment doesn’t set anyone up to succeed.”

At the time, those thoughts felt like logic. Professional frustration. Leadership tension. But they were something else. Something sneakier.

That was my inner critic—just wearing a different hat. At the time though, I didn’t know that and I quietly parked the plan until the “conditions were right”.

It’s not just the voice that says you’re not good enough

If you follow me, you’ll have heard me talk about the inner critic that targets you personally. The one that second-guesses your decisions. That questions your credibility. That tells you to stay quiet until you’re 110% sure.

But here’s the part that doesn’t get talked about enough (including by me): Your inner critic doesn’t just go after you. It goes after the circumstances.

The team.

The process.

The timing.

The people above and around you.

And the problem with that is—it sounds smart. Rational. Strategic, even. You can justify it and fall into the trap of believing it’s ‘on your side’ or protecting you from others.

And yet… when that pattern becomes your default, it quietly removes one of your greatest leadership strengths:

Agency.

The difference between critique and criticism

High-performing women are not naïve. We see broken systems. We understand complexity. We aren’t afraid to call things what they are.

But the line between informed critique and chronic criticism is where the inner critic starts stealing your power.

It doesn’t say,

“This is hard, what can I do?”

It says,

“This is hard, if the conditions were different, I’d succeed.”

It doesn’t prompt action, it encourages retreat quietly and internally so that while you think you’re strategising… you’re actually giving the power away.

And I see this a lot in coaching with women who are experienced, capable and senior. They fall into helplessness about the situation instead of stepping into their power and addressing it with authenticity and strategic problem solving at its heart. They’re not intentionally retreating and yet they’re just stuck in a pattern that sounds smart and feels safe.

And no—this isn’t imposter syndrome

That’s a different experience altogether.

Imposter syndrome is about belonging. It says: “I don’t deserve to be here” no matter how successful you are or how many times you’ve achieved greatness. And it doesn’t affect everyone, sure it affects a lot of people at different times but it’s not universal.\

The inner critic? It’s not situational. It doesn’t care how senior you are or how many times you’ve proven yourself or how confident you are in most situations. It’s a built-in voice developed through childhood as a mechanism that aims to keep you safe. It shows up when you’re taking risks, being visible, making moves. And sometimes, it decides the best way to protect you… is to convince you that everything around you is stacked against you.

This is why I don’t say “conquer your inner critic”

Because it’s not the enemy, you don’t conquer something that’s part of your wiring. You own it.

You get to know what it sounds like, what if feels like in your body and what it’s trying to protect you from. You understand what it’s doing, and then… you gently put it back in the passenger seat where it belongs.

That voice is trying to keep you safe, but you’re not here to play safe.

You’re here to lead powerfully—and that requires presence, not perfection.

So what happens when we keep criticising circumstances?

We slip into victim mode. Quietly. Internally. Without noticing.

We start saying:

“If the environment were better, I’d be thriving.”

“There’s no way to succeed when the people above me don’t get it.”

“This culture doesn’t set leaders up to succeed.”

Are some of those things valid? Maybe.

Are they the reason you feel stuck? Not entirely.

Because what most high performers instinctively know is that Powerful leaders operate with a high locus of control.

They ask:

✅ “What part of this is mine?”

✅ “Where do I still have influence?”

✅ “What story am I telling myself about this situation—and is it helping or harming me?”

They don’t bypass reality or simply hand it the keys. The lean into the situation, up their curiosity and communication and look for ways forward until it’s obvious that there aren’t any. 

Let’s not mistake ownership for self-punishment

However, this isn’t about gaslighting yourself into pushing through. And it’s definitely not about blaming yourself for difficult systems.

It’s about recognising the moment where the voice in your head starts undermining you—and choosing something more powerful instead. It’s about exploring what role you’re playing and how that shows up to yourself and others and looking for new ways of doing things. What are the patterns in your life where you do the same things over and over?

For me, I’m an avoider at heart so when things get tough I’d rather skip dealing with it than leaning into a solution. Fortunately I know this about myself and can catch it in action when I start saying “this isn’t my fault, it’s this crappy situation”. And sure, it might be, I might be in a space out of alignment with my values.

And until I’ve done everything in my power to move the situation into values alignment by calling it out and seeking personal insight, I have no business blaming anything except myself. However, once I’ve done that work I need to give myself permission to move on. 

Which is why this work must include self-compassion. And not the kind you talk about and don’t action.

I’m talking about a very practical, very repeatable 3-step shift:

1️⃣ Recognise the voice—its tone, its language, the feeling it brings

2️⃣ Celebrate that you noticed it (this rewires your brain—yes, really)

3️⃣ Take 3 deep breaths—inhale compassion, exhale judgment

Then decide next steps.

Do that enough times, and you’ll start making decisions from self-trust, not self-protection.

Want help practising this?

This isn’t just something I coach on. It’s something I do—daily.

This work is quiet. But it’s powerful.

It won’t ask you to shout louder or “shut it down”. It will help you lead with more clarity, calm and control—even when the circumstances aren’t ideal.

And honestly? That’s the kind of leadership I want more of in the world.

If you want to explore this with me further reach out, I’d love to hear from you.