I read Chris Voss’s book “Never Split The Difference” around the same time as I read the HBR article “Why Women Don’t Negotiate Their Job Offers”.

Coincidentally this was right before I needed to negotiate my salary offer for a new role.

What I learnt, changed the way I negotiate forever and has resulted in me consistently getting, if not everything I want, then very close to it! Whether I’m negotiating with a salary package or a new initiative with the board, the same principles apply. I’ve tried to distil my learnings down into this blog for you to take into your next negotiation.

The goal of this article is to give you five actionable strategies to enhance your negotiation approach while addressing the specific hurdles women face.

Negotiating as a senior or executive female leader can present unique challenges, particularly in environments dominated by male counterparts or in high-stakes boardroom settings.

The long game is obviously to remove unconscious bias towards women and women negotiating. In the meantime, let’s make sure you don’t miss out on what you deserve!

1) Leverage Tactical Empathy: Use Active Listening to Build Trust

Chris Voss emphasises the importance of tactical empathy—the ability to understand your counterpart’s feelings and perspectives without necessarily agreeing with them. This strategy builds rapport and opens the door to deeper engagement, a critical factor when negotiating in male-dominated spaces where women may be perceived as less authoritative.

I like to simply reframe this as genuine empathy and perspective taking for everyone involved. In many cases, women in leadership roles feel pressured to assert themselves more strongly to counteract perceptions of weakness. However, a more effective approach can be to lean into empathy, listening to the other party’s concerns without immediately countering with your own demands. By demonstrating that you understand their perspective, you create an atmosphere of trust, making the other side more receptive to your requests.

Actionable Tip:

Use mirroring—a technique Voss advocates where you repeat the last few words your counterpart has said. This shows you’re engaged and prompts them to expand on their thoughts. For instance, if a board member says, “We’re concerned about this project’s risk,” you might respond, “The project’s risk?” This invites them to elaborate while you gather more information for negotiation leverage.

Challenge addressed: Women are often stereotyped as either too aggressive or too passive in negotiations. Empathy balances assertiveness with approachability, reducing the risk of being dismissed or misunderstood.

2) Reframe Negotiation as Problem-Solving

Many people approach negotiation as adversarial or zero-sum. This can feel inauthentic and against your values. By framing negotiation as a collaborative problem-solving exercise where both parties work towards a common goal you can change the tone and the experience for everyone involved.

HBR highlights that women tend to avoid negotiations because they feel it might damage relationships or make them seem unlikable (the research backs this up). Reframing negotiations as an opportunity to solve problems can alleviate this fear. Rather than “winning” or “losing,” the focus shifts to finding a solution that benefits both sides.

Actionable Tip:

Start the negotiation by asking calibrated questions that shift the conversation from demands to solutions. Questions like, “How can we make this work for both of us?” or “What’s the best way to move forward?” foster collaboration and demonstrate that you’re seeking mutual benefit.

Challenge addressed: Women are often discouraged from negotiating job offers or promotions for fear of seeming too demanding. Shifting to a problem-solving mindset reframes the conversation and emphasises cooperation over conflict.

3) Label Their Fears: Defuse Negative Emotions

Never overlook the power of labelling—a technique where you identify and verbalise the emotions of the other party, particularly their fears or anxieties. This helps defuse tension and creates an environment of understanding.

In negotiations, women often face resistance rooted in gender biases or assumptions about their competence. By labelling the other party’s concerns directly, you can address underlying fears without letting them linger unspoken, allowing you to take control of the narrative. For example, if you sense resistance from the board about your proposal, you might say, “It seems like there’s some concern about the risks involved in this approach.”

Actionable Tip:

If you sense hesitation or pushback during a negotiation, acknowledge it with phrases like, “It sounds like you’re worried about X” or “It seems like you feel there’s a risk here.” Labelling these concerns brings them into the open, allowing for a clearer, more direct conversation. This technique helps diffuse tension and opens the door for deeper discussion on how to overcome these barriers.

Challenge addressed: The common challenge of navigating perceptions of competence. Labelling negative emotions helps disarm potential objections and allows women to be seen as insightful rather than defensive.

4) Utilise the Power of “No”

Many people see “no” as a negotiation stopper, but Voss teaches that it can be an opportunity to dig deeper into the real issues. Women often feel compelled to say “yes” too quickly, eager to please or appear cooperative. However, giving the other party permission to say “no” puts them in control and lowers their defences.

In HBR’s research, women frequently hesitate to assert their own interests, especially in male-dominated fields. Framing questions in a way that allows for a “no” response can empower both parties and reduce pressure. For example, instead of asking, “Do you think this proposal will work?” try, “Is this proposal completely off the table for you?” This invites a clearer, more honest response.

This technique is the opposite of the forced yes question you might sometimes experience in negotiations and hard sells (eg “Don’t you want to make this work?”) and promotes genuine curiosity and continuing to search for common ground.

Actionable Tip:

In negotiations, frame some of your questions in a way that allows for a “no” response. Questions like, “Would it be unreasonable to suggest this alternative?” or “Is it a bad idea to reconsider this aspect?” make it easier for the other party to respond honestly without feeling pressured.

Challenge addressed: Women often struggle with asserting their ideas in a boardroom setting. Using “no”-oriented questions disarms resistance and encourages more productive dialogue.

5) Use Silence to Your Advantage

One of the most underrated negotiation techniques is strategic silence. After you’ve made a request or asked a calibrated question, resist the urge to fill the silence. Silence creates space for the other party to process and often leads them to reveal valuable information or reconsider their position.

Many women feel the need to immediately justify their position or fill silences with further explanation, especially in male-dominated settings where their voices are often questioned. However, silence is a powerful tool. It allows the other party to consider your words more carefully and often compels them to speak up to fill the gap.

Actionable Tip:

After making a proposal or asking a key question, pause and allow the other party to speak first. This can feel uncomfortable, but the pause often compels the other side to offer more information or reconsider their stance. Silence is especially useful when discussing financial or resource-based negotiations, as it allows for deeper reflection.

Challenge addressed: In many cases, women feel the need to over-justify or defend their positions. Using silence as a tool helps avoid over-explaining and maintains control of the conversation.

Mindset Shift: Negotiation as Leadership

Negotiation isn’t just about getting what you want—it’s about leading the conversation and fostering mutual respect. As a female leader, the ability to navigate high-stakes negotiations effectively is one of the most crucial skills you can develop. It’s about making your voice heard, maintaining your integrity, and ensuring that both you and your counterpart feel like you’ve gained something valuable.

Who Benefits Most? Women leaders, especially in senior or executive roles, who want to enhance their negotiation skills while maintaining their authenticity and building stronger relationships with boards and stakeholders.

From Struggle to Mastery

Women in leadership positions often face a unique set of challenges in negotiations—balancing authority with approachability, navigating gender biases, and managing high expectations. However, by adopting the techniques outlined by Chris Voss and incorporating insights from HBR, women can turn negotiation into an opportunity for leadership and growth.

The key is to approach negotiations with empathy, strategy, and confidence. By reframing the conversation, using techniques like labelling and mirroring, and embracing the power of silence, women can not only improve their negotiation outcomes but also strengthen their influence as leaders.

Incorporate these actionable tips into your next negotiation and remember: every negotiation is an opportunity to demonstrate leadership.