When I first became a leader I was led to believe that strong leadership meant being unshakeable. That the best leaders had all the answers, made the tough calls, and didn’t let anyone see them sweat. You probably know that version. Maybe you’ve led that way. Or tried to.

It’s the old model. The one we’ve been taught to admire and emulate. The one that says power is something to be held, protected, and sometimes wielded over others to get things done.

And it doesn’t work. Not in the way we need it to.

Power over has shaped too many boardrooms, too many performance reviews, too many sleepless nights. It’s current shaping world politics. And it belongs to outdated leadership models built for dominance, hierarchy, and control—not connection, trust, or growth. Not for women. Not for men. And not for the kind of leaders this world actually needs.

I believe in power with. Not because it’s softer or nicer. Because it’s wiser, stronger, and so much more effective. Power with allows space, it allows growth and it allows human centred leadership.

What Does “Power With” Actually Look Like?

I first came across the term “power with” through the work of Brené Brown, and it shifted something big for me. It turned the idea of power from something that felt a bit dirty into something purposeful and beautiful. Power With opens the space for clarity and confidence in our leadership. It’s a way to get great results and feel great about what we do.

Power With is grounded in shared humanity. It recognises the intelligence, experience, and agency of the people around us. It assumes collaboration, not compliance. It creates space for ideas to emerge, not for egos to dominate.

It’s not about giving up authority. It’s about leading with clarity, empathy, and accountability. It means:

• • • Working in alignment with your values
    • Leading from purpose, not pressure
    • Cultivating connection over control
    • Practising self-compassion, so you can extend compassion to others

It means noticing when there’s a gap between how we think we’re showing up and how others actually experience us—and being willing to close that gap.

Values-Aligned Leadership: The Foundation of Power With

The most powerful leaders I know are anchored in something deeper than KPIs. They make decisions through the lens of their values. They know what matters, and they lead from that place.

When you’re grounded in your values, you don’t need to default to power plays. You don’t need to micromanage, dominate conversations, or compete to be heard. You’re not leading to prove your worth. You’re leading from it.

This doesn’t mean it’s all smooth sailing. Values-aligned leadership can be uncomfortable, because it requires honesty and courage. And that’s where purpose comes in.

Connecting to Purpose: Power With a Point

If values are your compass, purpose is your map. It gives you direction, perspective, and something bigger than you to serve. Without purpose, power gets messy. It gets personal. It becomes about winning.

When we connect to purpose, we stop using power as a shield or a weapon. We use it to lift, guide, and include.

One of the biggest mindset shifts I help my clients make is this: your power isn’t for you alone. It’s not something to hoard or protect. It’s something to share.

When you’re a senior or executive leader, the easiest approach to this is to work for and lead in a way that is aligned with the organisation. Pick workplaces that have a higher purpose that resonates and makes showing up worthwhile.

When you’re a Founder CEO or small business CEO you get to set that purpose. What is it that your organisation and leadership stands for? What are you trying to achieve in the world and would you be proud to tell people that? Profit or power are not purpose.

Self-Compassion as a Leadership Practice

I talk a lot about self-compassion with my clients—not as a fluffy side topic, but as a key leadership practice.

Because here’s the truth: if you’re brutal to yourself, you’ll likely be tough on others too. Not in a motivational way. In a “why can’t they just get it right?” kind of way. When we’re hard on ourselves, we expect perfection in return. We tighten the reins. We forget that people—including us—are human.

We get into perfectionism, micro-management and authoritarianism to the detriment of humans around us and in a way that ultimately undermines our power.

Self-compassion isn’t weakness. It’s a gateway to better leadership. When you stop berating yourself for every mistake, it becomes easier to be generous, curious, and constructive with others.

It helps us stop projecting. Stop performing. Start leading.

Mind the Gap: The Difference Between Intention and Impact

One of the most common issues I see in leadership is the gap between intention and impact. We assume that because we meant well, people received it that way. And often, they don’t.

This is where coaching changes the game.

Through coaching conversations—either with a coach or as a leadership skill—we can uncover the story underneath the behaviour. We can stop assuming and start listening. And we can ask the questions that shift the conversation from blame to understanding.

Power with means being open to feedback. It means being willing to find out how others experience us and adjusting accordingly.

It’s not about walking on eggshells. It’s about walking beside people instead of charging ahead without them. I’ve had a couple of conversations lately where people say proudly “the problem is people can’t keep up”. As a leader that’s the same as saying “I leave people behind”. 

Your intention is good, you want to achieve great things. Power with means you bring people with you and create the space for them to join you.

Coaching as a Tool for Organisational Compassion

Compassionate leadership isn’t just about tone of voice or checking in on someone’s weekend. It’s built through consistent, meaningful action—often in the smallest of moments.

It looks like:

• • • Asking, “What support would make this easier?”
    • Giving people the full picture, so they understand how their work fits in
    • Asking people how they would solve a problem, or even, what the problem is.
    • Naming the consequence of failure or missed deadlines without making it a threat
    • Following through on your own commitments and the commitments others make to you.

This is where power with becomes real. Where it becomes structural. It doesn’t just live in values statements or off-sites. It shows up in one-on-ones, in team dynamics, and in decision-making processes.

When leaders model empathy, wisdom, and accountability together, they create what I call organisational compassion. It’s not just about caring about people—it’s about caring for them in tangible, consistent ways.

Why Power Over Fails (and Always Has)

Let’s name it: “power over” benefits one group. And it’s not women or minorities.

Power over thrives in patriarchal systems that reward dominance and punish vulnerability. It’s the kind of power that says:

• • • “Because I said so”
    • “We don’t need buy-in, just results”
    • “They’ll respect me if they fear me”

Except that doesn’t build trust. It builds compliance. And compliance is not the same as commitment.

This model has always sidelined women and anyone who leads differently. And now? It’s burning people out. It’s eroding cultures. It’s making leadership harder, not better.

It’s time to stop calling that model strong. It’s not.

Reframing Power for Ourselves

Here’s the invitation: What if power wasn’t something to prove? Or protect? What if power meant responsibility, not hierarchy?

What if it looked like:

• • • Collaborating instead of commanding
    • Owning your impact, not just your intention
    • Speaking truth without needing to dominate the room
    • Holding boundaries without punishment

What if power was relational? Rooted in empathy, grounded in clarity, and reinforced by consistency?

That’s the kind of power I want women—and everyone, really—to own.

Not power over.

Power with.

The Power of Small Actions

You don’t need to be the CEO to lead this way.

You don’t need a title.

You just need to start.

Power with is built in moments:

• • • A conversation where you’re curious and deeply listen
    • A decision where you explain the why
    • A coaching moment where you help someone connect the dots

This is what leadership looks like.

This is what makes a difference.

And this is the kind of leadership I’m here to support.

If this speaks to you, if you’re ready to redefine how you show up and create more impact without losing yourself in the process, I’d love to chat. This is the work I do. This is the shift that changes everything.